He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
