If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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