Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
