i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
