you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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