remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
