It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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