I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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