Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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