We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
