plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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