I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
