fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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