yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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