felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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