remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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