just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
