Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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