I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
