I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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