I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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