Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
