just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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