that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
