I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
