...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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