This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
