She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
