At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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