You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
