I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
