Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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