There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
