I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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