Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
