Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
