So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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