Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
