The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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