WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
