I skipped work to stalk him.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
