I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
