I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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