Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
