after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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