If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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