I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry about my life...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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