then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
