This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
