Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
