Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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