dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
do nipples grow back?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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