Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
