Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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