I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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