I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
