my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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