i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
