They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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