so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
