id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
