Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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