I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
