My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
