tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
