I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
